Since I didn't bore the blogosphere with details about my first two births, I'm not about to go ruining my record now. (Ironically, I love reading other people's birth stories.) Suffice it to say that Peter's was my roughest delivery yet, but only because he was posterior and I had to push more than five times. And the labor was only about three hours start to finish -- with a perfect epidural -- so I certainly won't complain!
In fact, complaining is about the last thing I ever want to do again. I can feel that my life is so good, and I can also feel it slipping through my fingers: when I watch Truman walk through the door to his preschool, too-big backpack slipping off of him; when I realize Caleb is so heavy I can hardly hoist him over the crib rail to put him down for a nap; when I try to remember what my older boys were like at Peter's age and the memories, so recent, are already dim.
I've cried blessed little since Peter was born, but in two- or three-minute bursts it comes out. Motherhood will break your heart, one way or another. There is a certain anguish in loving a little person so much and knowing that, in some ways, you will fail him. And with the addition of our third little boy, I feel sometimes like my heart might burst from loving him AND the other two so much -- and, lest I forget, the good good man I married. My love for him has grown with each baby too.
So, no birth story. But man, it's a good life.
11 comments:
Teared up myself reading that. You're so good at expressing yourself. Must be all those years of journal writing =)
I love you, Brittany.
I hereby declare you in charge of delivering the rest of my babies. I am so jealous to hear of your "hardest" labor! I'm sure it was terrible (as they all are) but I'd take a three hour labor and an average of 5 pushes for sure! Congrats on sweet little Peter!
It never stops. My heart melts every day when I see Jake walk into middle school. You have me beat in boys now. I'm glad. I'm way too soft when it comes to my boys. I don't know how I will ever let them out of the house for college or missions. The past 2 summers I cried all week when Jake was at scout camp.
So perfectly said. I haven't even understood why I feel like I'm on the constant verge of tears some days just looking at my little girl and thinking of more coming. But you figured it out!
This was very tender. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy.
It really will feel like about 2 weeks have passed when it is your turn to get one of those boys ready to go half way across the world to a third world country decribed as "one of the least developed countries in the world."
Yeah. So.
Brit...It's kinda nice to know that you have joined the rest of us in your overwhelming passion for your kids. There was a while there when Truman was little that we were worried he had sucked the passion right out of you ;)
"...a certain anguish in loving a little person so much and knowing that, in some ways, you will fail him." STORY OF MY LIFE.
Wow--so well said. I am so glad you are enjoying him and life so much.
Love this post!
I always love your posts, and I love you!
They do grow up way too fast.
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